Zaw-Tun, I. et al
A new study conducted by the University Of Toronto has found that, to the surprise of no one, the results of most studies are simply common sense.
“Frankly, we could have told you the results of this study without even doing it,” sighed Dr. Margot Eriksson, the lead research sociologist at U of T, “but it was the only way to get funding.”
Many examples of common-sense findings include recent studies about how the global pandemic is causing more people to be depressed, how higher costs of living and poor social programs are causing millennials to have less children, how Bell Let’s Talk Day actually has no positive bearing on people’s mental health, and how water will make your hand wet if you touch it.
From a cross section of over 200,000 test subjects, scientists found that respondents often replied to the findings of recent studies by rolling their eyes, often saying “well, duh,” or “why did they even need a study; I could have told you this.”
In some outlying cases, involving common-sense studies about vaccines or the shape of the planet earth, select participants still sighed but requested that the study be shown to various irritating family members.
Why do we continue to perform these studies? Dr. Eriksson says it’s simple.
“Even though they know it to be true in their hearts and minds, people love the feeling of smug satisfaction when they can back themselves up with data. Everyone enjoys starting a sentence with ‘actually, studies have shown that…’ and etcetera. It makes people feel official and smart.”
Dr. Eriksson points out another benefit of the common-sense study: dealing with denialist politicians. “It may surprise you but there are tons of politicians who doubt self-evident statements like, ‘people should be able to afford their medicine.’ But if you make a study about it, they might be more likely to listen.”
Of course, none of Dr. Eriksson’s claims were backed up by studies, but the University of Toronto is currently conducting a very expensive study all about whether or not people enjoy citing studies in daily conversation.
