Singh, A., Graham, L. et al.
After many late nights, thousands of dollars in grant money, and enough takeout to sustain a dynasty of racoons, we are very proud to see that you’ve discovered pretty much nothing at all!
In academia, we explore the uncharted territory of scientific knowledge, and you happened to zero in on a gigantic abyss of nothingness. Welcome!
Who knew? Sometimes having a sound hypothesis, flawless experimental design, and relentless motivation is no match for the fact that sometimes, science just kicks you in the cranium! You probably wish that was in the grad school pamphlet, huh?
In related news, your diet of mostly salt & vinegar chips has given you a persistent but extremely large rash [1]. Perhaps you can study the link on that next?
To be fair, you didn’t discover ‘nothing,’ not exactly. You discovered that ignoring your partner for six months to focus on that “world-shattering” experiment, will absolutely cause them to leave you [2]!
Despite your certainty in these new sad findings, your project supervisor has refused publish those results, and says that if you insist on doing so it must be done “on your own time.”
