LiCata, V. et al
While searching the local environment proximate to their university for dinosaur fossils, a paleontology lab stumbled upon what appears to be a housing facility for graduate students in a local cave, indicating that this species has expanded its habitat as a result of high rents in the area.
“Although no dinosaur bones were discovered in the cave, we found 3 old couches, a working television, 6 beds and several thesis manuscripts in various states of completion,” said supervisor Dr. Rachel Turnborough, “which contributes to our theory that the cave is occupied by graduate students rather than dinosaur bones, so we passed it off to the university’s conservation team.”
The conservation team immediately installed a motion-sensing camera, though it appears that it’s already been detected by the inhabitants, who apparently want to remain hidden.
“Anyone entering the cave immediately throws a coat over the camera,” said conservation expert Dr. Gregory Kant, who studies habitat loss, “which makes identification of the graduate students all the more more difficult.”
Dr. Kant believes that the new habitat may be a territorial expansion due to rising rent costs near the university.
“The cave is less than a mile from campus, where most graduate students on our campus couldn’t afford such a prime location given the wages of teaching assistantships. We found significant evidence of STEM graduate student occupation,” said Dr. Kant.
“Old copies of both Nature and Science are scattered around the cave, along with reprints of a wide variety of other scientific publications,” Dr. Kant explained. “The coffee found in the cave is gourmet, and a number of administrative forms for teaching assistants and graduate assistants were also found scattered about.”
“Also, there was a dog in the cave wearing a collar made to look like a strand of DNA, and it became quite excited when asked “Who wants to go to lab?” said Dr. Kant
There were also a wide variety of phone and laptop chargers scattered throughout the cave, although they were not assayed for functionality.
Future work will include additional efforts to obtain photographic evidence of graduate students in the cave, along with attempts to find the electrical power source for the cave, which was still unknown as of this writing but is suspected to be solar panels hidden somewhere in the vicinity. Although it is possible that graduate students only visit the cave occasionally, and naturally spend the bulk of their time in lab, the presence of so many beds and bed-like clumps of pillows and blankets does suggest that the cave is actually a residential dwelling rather than a graduate student “break room”. The absence of a foosball table supports this hypothesis.
