Bentivegna, V. et al
We’d love to live in a world where your research doesn’t get scooped and you get that grant. But alas, with so many graduate students vying for the last drops of funding, researchers are bound to lose out on thousands or millions of dollars in an academic year. So instead of changing the “publish or perish” research culture – who has the bandwidth for that anyway? –, here are some not-so-well wishes you can manifest towards your worst academic competitors.
- May your centrifuge always be slightly unbalanced
- May your biosafety cabinet sash always be slightly too low
- May your -80 freezer alarm be too sensitive
- May your pipette tips be LTS and your pipettors universal
- May your purchasing system be based on a legacy program written in the 2000s
- May your lasers be slightly misaligned
- May your reviewer always be a petty competitor
- May your conference talks always be scheduled first thing in the morning
- May your imaging facility be three buildings away
- May your protein of interest not have an optimized antibody
