Graham, L., Perlman, M., Finch, D., Prevost, J. et al
Aww, has quarantine been hard for you this year? Is it difficult being largely confined indoors without being able to see your friends and family? Well try being locked inside a radioactive Rube Goldberg for decades by some nutbag trying to explain quantum superpositions.
Listen, I get it. It sucks that going outside means you risk getting a potentially deadly virus. But if I open the box I’ve been confined to since 1935, my only roommate, a container of hydrocyanic acid, will break open and kill me instantly. So forgive me that I don’t feel bad that you can’t go to concerts for a while, when I haven’t heard a sound other than my own shallow breaths for almost a century.
Honestly, what I wouldn’t give to be a regular house cat in lockdown… After decades without physical contact of any kind, it would be an honor to be dragged by my armpits into a Zoom frame to endear my owner to her coworkers. Instead I sit in this dark box, watching for signs that the radioactive atom hasn’t decayed enough to ensure my demise.
At the end of the day, I think we can all agree that the hardest part is not knowing. When will there be a vaccine? Is this the new normal? Am I dead or alive? Do I or do I not have fleas? I hope we all find answers before the uncertainty kills us all.
