Graham, L. et al
Politicians have frantically started googling “global climate strike,” as student activists are missing crucial exams en masse to protest something about the earth’s future habitability [1].
“If these kids start skipping school and pull Cs and Ds on the standardized tests, they could make the whole state look bad!” said one fearful American politician. Others aren’t convinced the strike will have lasting effects on GPA levels.
“They probably just wanted the day off,” dismissed one unnamed politician, who was golfing during a recent vote to tax carbon emissions [1].
The walkout, inspired by Swedish teenager Greta Thurnberg, saw thousands of students from each continent united in their desire to eliminate single use plastics and absolutely torpedo their grades.
The students, who say that rising surface temperatures will cause food insecurity, catastrophic weather events, and negative health effects, have already missed 1,148 tests collectively, and politicians worry that number could lead to a 2% decrease in grade point averages by the end of the century.
Politicians have vowed to fix the problem once and for all, and some have already proposed legislation to bump skipping class from a fine or misdemeanour, to a felony.
