Donoghue, M., Graham, L. et al.
Dr. Richard Tempura, a quantum physicist at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN), whose research is focused on creating wormholes time travel, became the first person in the world to win the Euromillions jackpot three times in a row. The improbable winnings, totalling $414 million dollars, has roused jealousy and suspicion from the public, and a deep respect from his colleagues.
While some speculate that he ran into a massive bout of good luck, his supervisor Dr. Tiffany Ijoma had a different take. “Oh, it’s not luck, Dr. Tempura always performs experiments in triplicate,” she remarked, as her massive gold necklace glistened in the light. “The key to good science is reproducible results.”
Dr. Tempura says he plans to invest his newfound riches on a climate apocalypse bunker rather than investing in the stock market, stating that he’s 99.99% certain the stock market won’t exist beyond 2033.
When asked if he thinks he will win the EuroMillions jackpot a fourth week in a row, he said, “The history books I’ve read say I’ll get to six in a row before anyone intervenes.”
