Ito, R. et al.
An auxiliary think tank at a local university sprung a massive leak this morning, covering the campus with a flood of unworkable plans. Classes have reportedly been canceled until the poorly thought-out schemes have been torn to shreds by a team of critics.
“I was just filling out a form begging the university for more funding when I heard this booming sound,” said adjunct professor Nathan Hale. “When I looked out the window, the quad was filled with all these idiotic research proposals and a few cringe-worthy movie pitches.”
The bursting of the tank reportedly caught the maintenance team off by surprise.
“We knew it was getting full after that last brainstorming session on how to harass broke alumni into donating to the school for a new fountain, but I didn’t think it was this bad,” said head custodian Liam Reilly.
“I’m surprised they never moved that tank underground,” he added. “Most places go with a below ground-tank to make sure their crappy ideas never see the light of day.”
Intellectual waste management is quickly becoming a major issue for all manner of organizations, such as research laboratories, television studios, and the offices of satirical writers.
“Rather than developing new ways to store our unusable ideas, we should aim to reduce the number of shitty ideas we produce,” claims Dr. Lisa Eiling at the Institute for Half-Baked Ideas. “If you don’t know for sure that your idea is any good, try keeping it to yourself for a bit and see if it holds up before letting it out,” she recommended. “Alternatively, try reworking concepts rather than throwing them away, to reduce the amount of scrapped plans in tanks.”
At press time, a student group has been petitioning the dean’s office for the rights for the incident for their new web series The Spill.
