News & Views

“We were facing a tough quarter, and we needed a revenue booster, and someone suggested Vitamin D as a joke”

Scientists warn Shelley could get so hot that she becomes a realtor, or a pharmaceutical rep.

You might not remember when Russia launched Laika into space in 1957 and left her for dead. But Laika remembers.

“I can swim into any ocean and not be questioned about whether or not I belong”

Dads everywhere took time out from reading the paper in front of a muted 24-hour news broadcast to announce that you have no reason to be sad given how good you have it here in in this country, you ingrate.

While there were no casualties, all staff agreed they’d rather die in a real volcano than have to see another baking soda one.

“We now ask that each new applicant to Heaven comes prepared to show their vaccination records.”

Microbiologist Dr. Leila Chu has dazzled once again with her new biofilm “The Growth of Pathogenic Pseudomonas aeruginosa On Hospital Catheters”