Biology Nutritionists Admit Every Vitamin Beyond “C” Totally Made Up May 31, 2019 Craig Fay “We were facing a tough quarter, and we needed a revenue booster, and someone suggested Vitamin D as a joke”
Environment Leading Source Of Global Warming Revealed To Be Your Ex-Wife Looking Hot As Hell Since The Divorce May 28, 2019 Darren Springer Scientists warn Shelley could get so hot that she becomes a realtor, or a pharmaceutical rep.
Astronomy Ruh-Roh! Laika, The Russian Dog Who Was Launched Into And Abandoned In Space, Is Coming Back… And She’s Pissed! May 28, 2019 Amar Singh You might not remember when Russia launched Laika into space in 1957 and left her for dead. But Laika remembers.
Biology Great White Shark Finally Acknowledges Its Great White Privilege May 23, 2019 Lexa Graham “I can swim into any ocean and not be questioned about whether or not I belong”
Medicine Nation’s Dads Announce That Depression Can Be Treated By Snapping The Hell Out Of It And Not Feeling So Damn Sorry For Yourself May 14, 2019 Darren Springer Dads everywhere took time out from reading the paper in front of a muted 24-hour news broadcast to announce that you have no reason to be sad given how good you have it here in in this country, you ingrate.
Chemistry Science Fair’s Baking Soda Volcanoes Completely Upstaged By Regular Volcano May 6, 2019 Amar Singh While there were no casualties, all staff agreed they’d rather die in a real volcano than have to see another baking soda one.
Research Lab Techniques To Hide Your Tears After Another Failed Experiment May 2, 2019 Fragnance Conchord While bawling can be a cathartic experience, the laboratory is, of course, no place for human emotions.
Medicine Unvaccinated Children Now Banned From Heaven, Confirms God April 30, 2019 James Island “We now ask that each new applicant to Heaven comes prepared to show their vaccination records.”
Biology Biologist Wows Critics With Cinematography Of Foreign Biofilm April 30, 2019 Lexa Graham Microbiologist Dr. Leila Chu has dazzled once again with her new biofilm “The Growth of Pathogenic Pseudomonas aeruginosa On Hospital Catheters”
