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September 24, 2026

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Biology

Quiet Quitting? This Line Of Antibiotics Stopped Working!
Chemistry

Pre-Med Student Tearfully Deletes “Aspiring Doctor 🩺” From Instagram Bio After First Organic Chemistry Midterm
Biology

Sparrow Bragging About T-Rex Ancestry Actually Descended From Some Bitch-Ass Lizard
Biology

Punk Snake Gets Tongue Unforked
Most cited

Grad Student Who Used Any Excuse To Avoid Lab Work Now Reminiscing About All The Experiments They Could Be Doing

Unhealthy Attachment? These Two Strands of DNA Defend their Codependence

Op-Ed: Please Don’t Talk Shit About The Instruments in Front of Them… They Can Hear You

Cool! Archaeologists Discover Ancient Recycling Can Full of Kids’ Cave Paintings

Hot Ticket! This Lab’s Counter Space Is More Crowded Than Concert!

Protocol: How To Remember That Information You Didn’t Bother Writing Down, Now That You Desperately Need It

“You’re 1 PPM” Says Scientist Trying To Compliment Partner

Latest News & Views

Study Finds The Best Way To Fix The Printer Is To Throw That Fucking Thing Out And Buy Another One

October 10, 2024

Institutional Animal Welfare Group Proposes Humane Endpoints for Ph.D. Students

September 19, 2024

Teens Caught At House Party Getting Vaccinated Out Of Their Fucking Minds

September 16, 2024

“We knew something was up when we saw used hypodermic needles all over the lawn,” said police spokeswoman Carol O’Rourke.

Latest Research

Protocol: How To Remember That Information You Didn’t Bother Writing Down, Now That You Desperately Need It

QUIZ: Which Piece of Lab Equipment Are You?

January 12, 2026

Game On! University Introduces New “Squid Game” Inspired Grad School Admission Process

October 13, 2025

More dnatured

Hottie Alert! The James Webb Telescope Just Found A New Heavenly Body That Is Absolutely Jacked

September 14, 2024

Marine Biologists Confirm Mermaid That Washed Up On Shore Had Stomach Full Of Thing-A-Ma-Bobs

September 13, 2024

God Not Sure How to Tell Humanity That E. Coli Is The Species Made in His Own Image

Vengeful Gods Growing Increasingly Frustrated That Climate Change Receiving All The Credit For Their Wrath And Smiting

Yas Queen! Climate Scientists Say We Should Prepare For An Entire Hot Girl Century!!!

Grad Student Becomes Lab’s Go-To Graphic Designer After Making Half-Decent Image In Powerpoint

Baby Scientists Discussing Possibility Of Mommy Just Being Behind Hands

Lab Libs! Researchers Have Uncovered A Link Between [Something You Love] And [The Worst Thing You Can Think Of]

Sparrow Bragging About T-Rex Ancestry Actually Descended From Some Bitch-Ass Lizard

A local sparrow was stunned after a DNA test revealed that 90% of his genetics are from something called a “Tonga Ground Skink” and not from a Tyrannosaurus rex, as his family has claimed for generations.

QUIZ: Should We Try To Solve The Climate Crisis Or Just Let A Few People Make As Much Money As Possible In The Little Time We Have Left?

Mitochondria Confirm They’re Also The Power Bottom Of The Cell

Super Bacteria Mock New Antibiotics By Spelling Out “That All You Got?” Under Microscope

The super bacteria call the microbiologist’s attempts at assassinating their colony “pathetic”

Aww! This New Line of Bacteria Scented Candles Will Make Your Place Smell Just Like The Warm Room That Hasn’t Been Cleaned In Decades

Quiet Quitting? This Line Of Antibiotics Stopped Working!

Is It A Mass Extinction Or Is God Calling All The Cuties Home?

Killer Asteroid’s Lawyer Gets Charges Reduced To Meteoroid Manslaughter

September 12, 2023

Alien From Venus Evaporates After One Minute In Phoenix, Arizona

August 24, 2023

Awesome! These Cell Cultures Waited Until Friday at 5pm to Need Passaging

Cool! Snakes Tired of Being Poached for Boots Are Evolving Skin To Look Cheap and Tasteless

Experimental Psychology Professor Assigns 500 Page Essay On Sleep Deprivation Due Tomorrow

Wow! This Newly Discovered Dinosaur Was Just Elected Nation’s Youngest Senator

Lonely Perseverance Rover Fires Up Tinder To Begin Search Signs of Martian Love Life

Scientists Confirm Sex With A Neanderthal Would Have Been Fucking Mind-blowing

Oops! Offshore Wind Farm Accidentally Spills Millions Of Gallons of Wind Into The Ocean

Protocol: How To Use Data Science To Prove Your Roommate Is Slacking On Dishes

February 7, 2021

Pandas Roll in Horse Feces to Keep Warm, Announce Zoo Koalas, Snickering

February 2, 2021

Clinically Depressed Man Can’t Wait to Return to Pre-COVID Lifestyle of Avoiding Human Contact and Rarely Leaving Home

February 1, 2021

Whoopsie! Researcher Accidentally Submits Paper To Science Total Landscaping

November 17, 2020

Lazy Cell Still Gets Mom To Fold Its Proteins

October 18, 2020

Retro! This Hipster Chemist Only Pipettes By Mouth And Now He Is Very Sick

October 5, 2020

Grad Student Desperate For Feedback Thrilled To Receive “K.” From Supervisor After Just 3 Months

September 27, 2020

Whoops! This Research Chemist Forgot To Add “But Not For Drugs” At The End Of Their Google Search And Now They’re On A Watch List

September 15, 2020

Bankrupt Company Forced To Sell Customer’s Data Just To Afford Executive Bonuses

August 27, 2020

Scientific Baby Names To Help Your Newborn Get Noticed By The Ivy League

August 24, 2020

Study Confirms Americans Will Believe Anything Said By People Wearing White Coats, As Long As They’re Not Doctors Or Scientists

August 12, 2020

Scientists Agree To Only Play God With Lifeforms That Were Likely To Worship Them Anyways

Most cited

6 Ways To Say ‘I Don’t Have Any New Data’ At Your Next Lab Meeting

Protocol: How To Encrypt Your Lab Notebook Using The Power Of Shitty Handwriting

Success! Student Aces Thesis Defense After Harshest Committee Member Can’t Figure Out How To Unmute Mic

Protocol: How To Get A Bigger Tax Return By Naming Your Bacteria As Dependents

Latest Issue

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Grad Student Desperate For Feedback Thrilled To Receive “K.” From Supervisor After Just 3 Months

September 27, 2020
“I’m Gonna be More Proactive and Hardworking!” Announces Grad Student About to Screw Everything Up

November 10, 2021
Grad Student Who Used Any Excuse To Avoid Lab Work Now Reminiscing About All The Experiments They Could Be Doing

June 27, 2020
Help! My Advisor Said They Were “Just Going Out For A Pack Of Smokes” And Now They’re On Sabbatical For A Year

January 20, 2020
Parents Demand Recall After Child Who Read ‘Quantum Physics For Babies’ Still Can’t Explain String Theory

May 13, 2020
Protocol: How To Passive-Aggressively Let Undergrads Know There Is A CORRECT Way To Take Pipette Tips From The Box

June 14, 2024
Forensic Science Prodigy Pronounces Man “Hella Dead”

March 23, 2019
17-Year-Old Lab Student Somehow Trusted With Two-Million Dollar Machine

November 14, 2024
Climate Scientists Say Rising Sea Levels Are Either Caused By Climate Change Or A Bunch Of People Getting Into The Water At The Same Time

July 12, 2024
Protocol: How To Get A Cute, Mid-Tier Journal To Notice You

July 25, 2024
“We Condemn Racism In All Forms,” Says University Founded By Racists That Still Has Buildings Named After Notorious Racists

June 9, 2020
New Climate Change Solution? Man Suggests Flipping Earth To Cold Side

February 4, 2019
Theoretical Physicist Travels Back In Time To Persuade Younger Self To Go Into The Trades

October 1, 2019
Protocol: How To Get A Bigger Tax Return By Naming Your Bacteria As Dependents

April 25, 2021

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dnatured is a satirical scientific journal with impact factor 69. We strive to publish the most paper cutting scientific research, protocols and news.

Copyright 2019

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